No one gets married thinking “Well… I’ll give us a 60/40 chance of making it”. Typically the relationship at that point is positive, hopeful and full of dreams and promise. The decisions are exciting ones about buying houses, having children and travel. This life we are all living is a classroom. We never stop learning and marriages are one of the primary modes of learning. I always say….”Pick someone you like as a spouse because that’s who is going to help you work off your rough spots”. When marriages come up against illness, financial changes, loss, triggers around trauma from the past, or the whole host of stresses that life can throw at us….it’s like putting a magnifying glass to the individual values, needs, and skills contained within the relationship. It’s during these times that we are challenged to develop skills, reevaluate values and prioritize needs. Ultimately, for intimacy, you need two people who are able to trust each other, be capable of being present, have the skills to communicate with authenticity and decide upon a common vision for their lives together. Without these things then one or both parties will need to ….as Darwin would say….”adapt, migrate or perish”. Ultimately you are responsible for your life. Decide what you need to do, to live in love and abundance rather than fear and scarcity. And learn, and love…and learn and forgive….and learn and grow……and make the best of the time you have here.
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