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Humpty Dumpty had a great fall......

7/28/2016

There are days and then there are days! If you're having one of those days that you have regressed and are feeling overwhelmed emotionally and unable to focus on the present then try grounding yourself into the present moment by naming some of the things you see and hear in your present environment or what you can feel in your body. If this is still not effective, then try the calming techniques that I have posted previously. However, sometimes triggers can really pack a wallop and you may find yourself unable to calm or stay focused in the moment. Then I would recommend that you journal using the following steps out of fragmentation adapted from Jack Lee Rosenberg PhD and Marjorie Rand PhD's Body, Self and Soul & Sustaining Integration exercise.

Journal all of your negative feelings and thoughts.
Admit that you are fragmented. Either you are or you aren't. It's like you can't be a 'little bit pregnant'!
Remember that you have been fragmented before and gotten yourself out of it.
Make a note of the symptoms that tell you that you are fragmented so that you have clues to watch for in the future.
Name objects and colours around you to bring you into present time. Look carefully at details and name them out loud.
Identify what happened to fragment you.
What is it about the current event that reminds you of your past or a time when you were hurt and unable to have power?
Write down the messages that you needed that you didn't get from the following list.
Put your hand on the part of your body that is holding the feelings and tension about this issue and give yourself the positive messages that you were/are needing to hear.

Early Childhood Messages:

I love you.
I want you.
I'll take care of you.
You can trust me.
I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you even when you die.
It is not what you do but who you are that I love.
You are special to me.
I love you and I give you permission to be different from me.
Sometimes I will tell you "no" and that's because I love you.
My love will make you well.
I see you and I hear you.
You can trust your inner voice
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
You don't have to be alone anymore.
I welcome and cherish your love.

Out in the world messages:

I can set limits and I am willing to enforce them.
If you fall down I will pick you up.
I am proud of you.
I have confidence in you. I am sure you will succeed.
I give you permission to be the same as I , to be more or less.
You are beautiful/handsome.
I give you permission to love and enjoy your erotic sexuality with a partner of your choice and not lose me.

The more you can treat yourself in the ways that you wish your parents had but couldn't for whatever reason, the more you can keep yourself grounded in the present, functioning in the ways that work for you. Once you are grounded and feeling more present then do a reality check about the situation that triggered you. How is it similar and how is it different than the situation from your past where you had no power? Recognize that you have choices and power now that you didn't when you were younger. Strategize about how you want to deal with the situation or person or find someone to help you strategize. Good luck!

It's a Good Day to be Alive!

7/21/2016

So today is actually my birthday. And, for me, it has always been a time to reflect on my life. Mostly, I am feeling grateful for the privileged life that I lead. I love my job. I feel very honoured to work with people who have decided to trust me enough to let me into their most private and vulnerable places in their hearts. Thank you. I don't take your trust lightly. I am also feeling grateful that my body is healthy and that I have enough food to eat. And that I get to live in a beautiful house and work out of a space that has huge windows backing on to a yard where the squirrels and birds and chipmunks fight over the mulberries in the mulberry tree! I'm grateful for friendships and family relationships that go back decades and that we have seen each other through good times and hard times. I'm grateful for belonging at the Y, at my church, at my campground, in my neighbourhood and in this country. I feel blessed to have grown up in a country that is economically stable....for the most part. That has health care and makes it a priority. That has gun control laws.

And I am grateful for the awareness that being able to identify and solve problems is essential.....and so is gratitude regardless of the circumstances. It bouys you to deal with the difficulties.

And while I am, mostly, a fairly positive person, for the next year, no matter what is going on.....I intend to increase my ability to feel gratitude. Anyone want to join me? Email me if you want to join an online group to post daily messages of gratitude.

Spot the Wildlife.

7/14/2016

Mindfulness is ..... the process of bringing one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment.

So here's a fun mindfulness practice for you....

How many animals can you spot in this 'Save the Animals' Poster created by the World Wildlife Fund?

I hope that you're having a great summer!

Luxury Complaint

7/7/2016

We are a polite society of complainers. The weather. The price of gas. Politics. Typical social conversations are full of them. So it's easy to get caught up in the momentum of that kind of thinking and to create a bigger belief that somehow our lives are hard. However, most of these complaints are what I would call.....luxury complaints. Not that we don't have a right to still feel them and consider them annoying, but we need to remind ourselves that in the grand scheme of things......we are really fortunate. We live in a wealthy, democratic, pretty safe country. We have an agreement as a society to take care of the old and the sick. I'm not saying it works perfectly but we do not live in the substandard conditions that over half the world lives in. So we need to remember when we grumble about our taxes and the price of gas that it is a luxury to be able to grumble about these things. Don't stop complaining because it is still your truth and it isn’t healthy to pretend either. Just put it into context and decide if you want to do anything to change the thing you’re complaining about. Better yet, name the fact that it is a luxury complaint out loud. Chances are if you say “If that’s the worst thing that happens to me today then it’s a GOOD DAY!!” to someone who got your order wrong at the coffee shop, both you and the other person will feel more connected for having put things into perspective and the positive connection will outweigh the annoyance created by the mistake……and will make both of you happier!!

If you're going to make up a story...make up a good one!

7/1/2016

I don't know anyone who hasn't at some point in their life thought....."Oh dear....I haven't heard from so-and-so.....I hope they haven't gotten into an accident". The truth is we have all seen looks on people's faces and tried to figure out what they're thinking. Or we've guessed about what will happen at a dinner party or future event. We tend to think in worst-case-scenarios. And the reality is that much of the time.....we're wrong. So if you're going to guess at the future and make up a story ......then make up a good one!!! If your spouse is late coming home from work then make up a story that they got caught up on the phone talking to an old friend instead of thinking that they've been in a car accident. The truth is that it's all a guess until you get the actual information anyway. So....if you're going to make up a story.....remember to remind yourself that you'll cope if it's the worst case scenario and then make up a good one!

Does this ring true for you?

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall......

It's a Good Day to be Alive!

Spot the Wildlife.

​Mindfulness is ..... the process of bringing one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment.So here's a fun mindfulness practice for you....How many animals can you spot in this 'Save the Animals' Poster created by the World Wildlife Fund?

​I hope that you're having a great summer!

Luxury Complaint

If you're going to make up a story...make up a good one!

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Mindfulness is ..... the process of bringing one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment.

So here's a fun mindfulness practice for you....

How many animals can you spot in this 'Save the Animals' Poster created by the World Wildlife Fund?

I hope that you're having a great summer!