519-570-9163
LEE HORTON-CARTER COUNSELLING SERVICES
  • Home
  • About Lee
    • Lee Horton-Carter, M.A.
    • Counselling Philosophy
  • Services
    • Resource Links
    • Individuals
    • Couples
    • Families
    • First Responders
    • Therapy Groups
    • What is EMDR?
    • What is EFT?
  • Coping through a Pandemic
  • Mindfulness -2019
  • Building Resilience & Hope 2018
  • Mindfulness 2017
  • Building Resilience & Hope 2015 & 2016
  • Contact
  • Untitled

Get out of the drama and bounce back to your whole self!

10/23/2015

 
Picture
Boing…..boing….boing!   I didn’t say boring.  I said boing!  There are constant images of what life will be if you have shopped, learned, marketed, dressed, decorated ‘right’ in order to have ‘made it’ according to whatever culture you live in.  However, for most people, at some point, life throws a curve ball.  This is where resiliency skills come in.  Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, or the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape.  The skills involved include feeling your feelings and then thinking about possible solutions.  I find that often people get stuck in their feelings and aren’t able to move into thinking about solutions OR they move so quickly to solutions and thinking that they can discount both their own and others for having feelings about the situation or predicament.  These responses can create unnecessary drama that adds to the difficulty of what is going on.   
 
Understanding the Kapman Drama Triangle is useful for thinking about the dynamics going on in your situation and deciding what choices you need to make to move yourself to healthier solutions.  It typically involves being aware of your own thoughts and feelings, grounding and calming yourself into the present moment, recognizing the power you have to make choices and then focusing on the solutions and taking action about the parts of the situation that you have control of and help to move you forward.  




This following website has useful easy to understand things that are helpful to get off of the drama triangle.  
https://bpdpiecesofme.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/drama-triangle.jpg
Also, I have developed a number of questions that you can ask yourself in order to stay off the triangle if you have been triggered onto any of these positions.  However......I am not sure how to put attachments into my blog posts!  Lol.  So.....I will think about that confusion....research it and put the "How to get back into your Adult" solutions that I have created into another post!  These dynamics permeate our culture and relationships enough that I think I will do a blog post for each position that you can get triggered into.  Cheers.  I hope this information helps you to 'bounce back' from whatever it is you are dealing with!

Picture

To vote or not to vote.....that is the question!

10/16/2015

 
Tired of election media coverage?  So am I.   And I resent how much it is costing when there are SO MANY problems that could be solved with those funds.  However, that is our system and I'm glad we have it because it reminds us that we get to hire the 'boss' in this business of running the country.  However, I was concerned when I heard someone say recently "What's the point?" when I queried who they were intending to vote for.  I decided I wanted my blog post to respond to this from the point of developing resilience and hope.  The comment "What's the point?" signifies a loss of hope that that person's voice will be heard.  However, he didn't realize that as long as he doesn't speak up then he WON'T get heard.  The act of voting is a personal statement to say "My voice matters and I have hope that if I speak up then whomever is elected will hear that these values and election platforms matter to me".  Now, obviously, this is idealistic.  However, when I see the Aboriginal community gathering together to speak up with their votes I see a group of people who are moving out of their victimhood to claim their rights as citizens in this country who matter and deserve to be treated respectfully and heard about their issues.  When we stay silent in a relationship and implode with our anger we hurt ourselves and fuel a negative world view.   Ultimately we have to think and take action to be heard about the fact that we matter and we deserve to be heard.  And we have to participate in making things better or we succumb to negativity and hopelessness.  No....it won't be perfect.....but at least you will have participated in how you would like it to move forward.  Those are signs of resilience and hope.  And THAT is why it is important to vote......for whomever reflects YOUR voice and your values.

Here is Shane Koyczan at our very own Hillside Festival in Guelph expressing this concept so eloquently.

https://youtu.be/Untt_D3_5XM
 ​

There are lessons and/or love in everything.

10/9/2015

 
Thanksgiving.   A time for gathering together with family and friends, for eating turkey.....and in KW ....for watching the Oktoberfest Parade!  Mostly though it is a time to give thanks.  Thanks for the good and the bad.  We don't learn when only good things happen.  We learn through the hard times too..... and then we pass the wisdom along to others once we've integrated it.  And when I think of all of the lessons I've learned......and have yet to learn{!!}.......I am grateful.  For if those events hadn't happened.....the good, the bad and the ugly.....I wouldn't be who I am.  And, mostly, although a little bruised in some places....I'm OK.  So thank you to all my friends, my family, my clients and to those I didn't know from 9/11....you have impacted my spirit deeply and I am grateful for the love and the lessons.  For the crap that was hard and I had no control of......thank you.  It has taught me compassion for people who have crap that they have no control of and that therapy can't 'fix'.  For every 'bull in a china shop' that I have come across.......you are loveable and worthy and you have taught me to see through the compassion of my therapist eyes when I am not working.  For the times I have been a 'bull in a china shop' I have learned that I am loveable and worthy and I can make mistakes and learn just like anybody else.  That's all there is.  Live.  Love.  Learn.  Be grateful.  That's all.  I'm done now!!!!  This is the opposite of a Rick Mercer rant.  Lol  Happy Thanksgiving!

Gone Camping!

10/2/2015

 
​
Taking the week off to take care of me!  Hope you get to enjoy some time for yourself as well.

    Categories

    All

    Archives

    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    October 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.