So is fear your friend or your foe?  I say it depends.  If your gut is giving you a reality check that is saying “watch out for this person they’re not trustworthy” and the person really is questionable, then fear is your friend.  If it is telling you that it’s not safe to leave your house because “there are scary monsters out there that are going to take advantage of me and hurt me” then you are being held hostage by it. 

The important thing is to think about your feelings and do a reality check with what you actually know to be true.  Now tonight there actually WILL be scary monsters out there…….but mostly they’re under 10 so I think we’re going to be ok!!! 

Have fun on this Halloween weekend and stay safe!!
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EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), as I see it and use it, is an integrative form of therapy that helps people’s mind, body and spirit work together in the present in a more empowered way by using bilateral stimulation of the left and right brain.  WHAT??????!!!!!  OK….let me try again.  We are our healthiest selves when we are thinking and feeling at the same time while we are focused and making conscious choices about what is happening in the present moment.  In other words: we are not fearing the future; we are not rehashing the past; we are not avoiding our feelings and our body by ‘hiding’ in our heads; and we are not avoiding our thoughts by collapsing into our feelings about the past.  Being healthy means we are present.  We are taking responsibility for our bodies, our minds and our spirit.  We are focused and accountable to who and what matters to us and we are moving forward in the direction that we want to be going in. 

Using EMDR I will have people name what their issue is; where it is in their bodies; visualize what the distress might look like and how it makes them feel and identify what the internal messages are that get triggered.  Then, while they are processing the issue, I will bilaterally stimulate their brains through tapping on their knees. (Some clinicians use eye movements and others use sound.)   At various points throughout the process resources would be integrated to internally shift their experience into a more empowered response.  At the end of the session we review what significant events happened during the EMDR that brought the initial distress down.  Between therapy appointments, if the person experiences distress then they can remember back to those moments and draw upon the resources that helped them to feel empowered.   In a large brushstroke blog I hope that this helps to explain EMDR a little bit.  The rest is an artform developed between the individual and the therapist together and it is different for everyone.  Where nature and quiet might be a resource for one person, running might be a resource for another.   The important thing is to find a therapist with whom you feel safe and comfortable.  As a client you need to feel safe in the therapists office and aware that you are ‘dipping your toe’ into the distress in order to heal it into the present.  You are not ‘jumping into the photo album of your life’ and having the therapist climb in after you.  The client and therapist need to have a good working relationship to obtain a successful outcome.  The therapist needs to be checking in with the client often in order to rate the distress and decide when resources need to be brought in.  The client needs to be communicating authentically about what is going on in their mind, body and spirit.  The client is also responsible for keeping themselves in what I call the ‘window of tolerance’.  That is the healthy zone of feeling and thinking at the same time.  It’s very similar to the analogy of going to the gym and deciding to get fit.  It would be irresponsible of a personal trainer to work someone out before finding out what their baseline fitness level is.  They have to find out their baseline and then grow their tolerance for working out. 

As a therapist, I have to work with clients to find out their baseline regarding distress.  Then we work together to grow their tolerance for thinking and feeling at the same time while they are distressed.  If someone gets too distraught or is unable to think clearly when I ask a question then I have them ground themselves into the present or visualize a safe place where they can feel calm.  Once they are calm and grounded then we break down the issue into smaller chunks so that it is manageable for them process.  Hopefully this explains EMDR to people who want to heal around all kinds of trauma and PTSD.  Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have further questions. 

Cheers!  Lee

Everyone, everyone, everyone in the world….no matter what language you speak knows that Charlie Brown should NOT play football with Lucy!!  She ALWAYS picks up the ball!!

We’ve all met Charlie Brown’s and we’ve all been Charlie Brown’s.  If someone in your life is continually letting you down……then you don’t have to play with them!!!  If your focus remains on their behaviour and how they have to learn to ‘play nice’ then you are focused on what you don’t have control of rather than what you do have control of.  (This fact is always easier to see in other people’s lives, by the way.)  Whenever you are faced with an annoying situation or person, you will be much happier if you focus on the part of the dynamic that you have control of, which is yourself.  Trust yourself first.  Let them earn your trust.   You can love Lucy.  You can keep talking to Lucy.  You do not have to play with her unless she has proven to you that she is compassionate about the impact her behaviour has on you.

YOU have the power….don’t give it away!

I’m always aware of how this time of year can  trigger loss for people.  There is the falling of leaves, the coming of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, and other December holidays….. and then winter………….(Let’s not even go there right now!!!)  It can be easy to fall into a mindset of bah-humbug.  So when we are faced with really difficult times it is especially important to focus on gratitude.  A regular practice really helps shift your mood if you are getting stuck in your sadness. 
A couple of weeks ago I thanked our First Responders.  Their job protecting us seems never ending; a fact hghlighted by bombings in Chelsea, New York on September 16. So when I was thinking about doing this blog post related to Thanksgiving I thought.... I am grateful for:  the lovely weather and the gorgeous colours in the leaves on the trees; the music I was listening to that gave me some ideas for more blog posts (!!!!....stay tuned!); my friends and family who provide so much joy and laughter and keep me humble about how much I have yet to learn; my body for still working on my behalf everyday all day for so many years; the delicious food that I get to eat because I live in such a wealthy country; the great space I get to work out of every day; and for all the people who come to see me who teach me more than textbooks or conferences could ever teach about the realities of living life. 
From the bottom of my heart…..I  thank you.  Happy Thanksgiving.

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