I had a client say to me one time “I’ve climbed into my family photo album and I can’t get out”.  I think it’s a terrific way of describing having been triggered about events in your life and not having control over the result.  This could be that you have PTSD or cumulative stress from things that have occurred in your life.  Or it could be that you are in difficult circumstances re: work or home life.  The point is that either your mind or your emotions  have taken over and  you are looping over the same material over and over again with no solutions, progress or positive outcome.  Here are some ideas just in case that has happened. 

Find things that are grounding for you to do.  What I mean by grounding is that it shifts you into a different state of being that is more present and choiceful.  Grounding techniques can be mind, body, or spirit based. 

Here are some ideas:  1) Name 5 things you see; 5 things that you can hear (you can repeat them if necessary); 5 things that you can feel in your body (ie. your pulse, your breath, muscle sensations etc).  Now do it again counting to 4 for each item.  2) Call a friend and have a conversation.  (Anything that makes you listen and remember and be present in the moment.)  3)  Do yoga or meditation.  4)  Journal or draw your feelings and affirm yourself at the end of your writing/drawing.  5)  Do an activity that you find calming /nurturing.  6)  Do reality checks and break the problem into smaller chunks so they feel more ‘doable’.  6) Focus on your skills and abilities in the present, and how you have more power and choices compared to when you were a child.  6) Focus on what you have control of in the situation and take action that will make you feel better.  7) Exercise.  8) Find someone who is in a worse situation.  Compare down and then focus on things you can be grateful for in your life. 

None of us knows what life will bring our way.  This spring the out of control forest fires of Fort McMurray devasted that community.   Any one of the people who experienced all the chaos and fear that occurred in that city last May will ; a) will not be affected by it; b) will grow and find renewed meaning from life or commitment to their closest relationships or; c) will collapse and suffer from some form of debilitating anxiety, depression or PTSD as a result of those events. 

All we can do is create the kind of resilient attitudes and habits that will help to protect us in the face of enormous loss, trauma, disease or disability.  We are powerless…. and powerful…. as human beings throughout our entire lives and that NEVER goes away.  We must learn to walk with both of those things throughout our whole life.  All we can do is our best when tragedy or hard times occur.  It is then that those resilient attitudes and habits become lifelines for our spirits.  Surround yourself with people who love you and treat you well.  Take care of your body and your mind by getting enough sleep, exercising and continuing to learn new things.  Be aware of the ‘good, the bad and the ugly’ of life so you can solve problems and enjoy your life.  However, it's important to dwell on the positive.  Take notice of what brings you joy because when hard times hit….which they do with everyone at some point…..you know how to get yourself feeling better. 

I like Beth Neilson Chapman’s song “Shake My Soul” when things get hard!  My thoughts and prayers go out to the families, friends and First Responders involved in devastating events of the Fort McMurray fires.  

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFc86ERIQfg&feature=youtu.be

So there has been a lot of discussion this week about the new President of the United States, Donald Trump.  And there is speculation about why and how he was voted in, especially since he has been proven to be misogynistic, racist and not experienced in any political job to date.

One woman I know posted that "literally millions of Americans right now are telling women this: It doesn’t matter how qualified you are. It doesn’t matter how smart, capable, or experienced you are. It doesn’t matter if you are the most qualified person for your job in American History… You are still not as good as a sexist, racist, bigoted, misogynistic f*#kboy who paints himself orange."

And CNN political commentator Van Jones said "People have talked about a miracle—I'm hearing about a nightmare," Jones said, visibly choked up. "It's hard to be a parent tonight for a lot of us."You tell your kids, 'Don't be a bully.' You tell your kids, 'Don't be a bigot.' You tell your kids, 'Do your homework and be prepared.' Then you have this outcome and you have people putting children to bed tonight, and they're afraid of breakfast. They're afraid of 'How do I explain this to my children?' I have Muslim friends who are texting me tonight saying, 'Should I leave the country?' I have families of immigrants that are terrified tonight."Jones acknowledged the election "was many things" and a "rebellion against the elites." But he also described Trump's win as a "whitelash against a changing country.""It was a whitelash against a black president, in part, and that's where the pain comes from."

And yet, 60 million people voted for him.  It's important for us to think about what that might be about.

I like what Mike Rowe from the show "Dirty Jobs" said, "Yeah, it was dirty job for sure, but the winner was NOT decided by a racist and craven nation – it was decided by millions of disgusted Americans desperate for real change. The people did not want a politician. The people wanted to be seen. Donald Trump convinced those people that he could see them. Hillary Clinton did not."  

My guess is that many of the people who voted for Trump are people who are still trying to live through the housing market crash that hit all time lows in 2012.  That was on the heals of the Stock Market crash of 2008 where it was exposed that the elite were so greedy that they were financing deals that were not going to keep the economy stable and secure but would put lots of money in the hands of the elite that brokered the deals.  These people are still trying to get back on their feet and they have been watching a government try to function that has been stonewalled by the Congress and bogged down by politics. I think they are tired of the rhetoric that they hear from the elite while they are still in states of reconstruction.  My guess is that it would feel like being kids in a family where the parents are fighting so much that they forget that their main function is to provide for their family economically, support and love their children and help them to learn the skills to move out into the world and grow and thrive physically, emotionally and economically.  Mike Rowe said "The people want to be seen."  The first stage of development when we are babies is trust vs mistrust.  Before anything else happens in our brains we need to feel the bond with others and believe that they have our backs.  This never stops being at the core for all of us and, for everyone, different things can trigger our responses from that fight/flight or freeze level.  Over the last decade the elite lost trust of the 'common folk' that do the dirty jobs.  In the media those people are not represented and are as invisible as the all of the other minorities.  I believe that Donald Trump got their vote to run the business of government and, I think they probably, naively, they think he can fire anyone who is just playing political games.

So what can we learn from this?  We can learn to assess systems and how well they are functioning and decide whether the issue is about us or the dysfunction within the system we are in.  I believe that there is so much mental illness in our culture because people have split off from feeling their vulnerability out of self protection from our cutural norms. We have stopped being transparent and honest about mistakes because our culture has become so critical and perfectionistic.  We have become greedy and materialistic in how we are portrayed in the media,leading to unrealistic expectations that make people run ragged in an effort to prove that they are "OK" by societal standards. When people come for therapy they are often diagnosed with anxiety or depression. They believe that the illness is in them instead of a cultural norm that is out of control. And this cultural norm is in our leaders too. The Donald Trump and Hillary Clintons of the world don't miss out on internalizing this,and the fact that everyone matters and we need to create systems that are sustainable long term gets lost.  

So since this blog intent is about creating resilience and hope.....how do we move forward?  BE THE CHANGE!!!  Resist having a life full of material things that prove, superficially, to your neighbours that you are 'OK' at the expense of your having fun or relaxing.  Do not stay silent when you see bullying .....of anyone.  Don't put your attention on the bully, put your attention on the person that is being bullied and ask them what they need from you. So take your attention away from Trump and put it into anti-bullying movements, supporting LGBTQ or women's rights, helping with a habitat for humanity build.  Whether they be a black, white, muslim, gay, poor, women, native, disabled or trauma survivors; love heals.  Be the change and be grateful that we live in Canada where we have a fairly stable economy and a Prime Minister who is leading us by example in healing the wounds of our vulnerable populations.

I have often had people comment about the fact that when they start changing in a positive way, they notice that others around them are also changing and behaving in more positive ways.  I call it ‘vicarious therapy’.  We are all like pebbles (or rocks depending upon who you are!!) in a pond and our behaviour ripples out and impacts upon the relationships and systems that we are a part of.  We can’t make others change but when we focus on ourselves, solutions and our own power then it invites others to do the same.  Go ahead…..be your best self and make a splash!!!

​Here is a powerful quote by Marianne Williamson, used in Nelson Mandela's speech at his inauguration:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"Of course I'm not defining anybody's definition of God, just think of it as "Good Orderly Direction".