Fear is often at the root of a lot of unhelpful behaviours. However, in our culture we are not taught to express our fear or ask for support around it. We are taught to litigate or avoid and pretend it isn’t there and say we’re ‘fine’. And while privacy and boundaries are important, this is not helpful in intimate relationships.
When people hide their true feelings they are not being authentic and honest with themselves or their partners. Oftentimes people will mirror what is taught in our broader culture and behave in their relationships as, what I call, dogs or ducks. The dog ‘fear bites’. Anger is what is shown and expressed on the surface but fear is what lies underneath. The duck looks calm as a cucumber and will say they are ‘fine’ but underneath the waterline they are anxious and angry and full of unexpressed emotion. Truly intimate relationships will talk and listen to each other from that deeper place and not stay at the surface. It’s good to know what your ‘go to’ reaction is and you will likely behave that way under extreme stress and crisis. However, when you are in relationship, if you want to move past the drama and develop deeper intimacy, you need to challenge yourself to figure out what is underneath that surface emotion and practice the skills of communicating at a more open and vulnerable level. You and your partner need to learn to really listen to and honour each other from a place of deep respect and kindness.
Apparently ducks and dogs can live together in peace and harmony if they really work at it!!!
When people hide their true feelings they are not being authentic and honest with themselves or their partners. Oftentimes people will mirror what is taught in our broader culture and behave in their relationships as, what I call, dogs or ducks. The dog ‘fear bites’. Anger is what is shown and expressed on the surface but fear is what lies underneath. The duck looks calm as a cucumber and will say they are ‘fine’ but underneath the waterline they are anxious and angry and full of unexpressed emotion. Truly intimate relationships will talk and listen to each other from that deeper place and not stay at the surface. It’s good to know what your ‘go to’ reaction is and you will likely behave that way under extreme stress and crisis. However, when you are in relationship, if you want to move past the drama and develop deeper intimacy, you need to challenge yourself to figure out what is underneath that surface emotion and practice the skills of communicating at a more open and vulnerable level. You and your partner need to learn to really listen to and honour each other from a place of deep respect and kindness.
Apparently ducks and dogs can live together in peace and harmony if they really work at it!!!
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