There is a well known poem written by Nadine Stair about "If I had to live my life over again". She talks about the choices she would make now that she can look back on her life with hindsight. It can be a great exercise for any of us who want to live our lives with intention and reflect back on a life that speaks to who we are at a core level. A life that reflects our values and....well....our choices. However, I think what often happens is that people make unconscious choices based upon whether others will like them or because they are acquiescing (or rebelling against) a set of rules dictated to them by others such as their family, their church or the broader culture. People who have grown up in oppressive circumstances can end up having a reflexive 'automatic no' or 'automatic yes'. How you shift yourself out of this is to start to really think about the circumstances you are in. Take time to reflect on the choices you are making and what the consequences will be for YOU about living with that choice. Will it make you happy? Does it fit with your core values or are you agreeing/disagreeing because of someone else's influence? I remember trying to teach this to my stepson when he was going through an 'automatic no' phase. I told him that he 'had to have pizza for dinner'. I watched as his body and facial muscles reflexively rippled into a 'you can't make me' stance. Then I saw confusion wash over him as he realized that pizza was his favourite thing to eat! He was so determined to not give me power that he stopped listening or thinking about what I was saying! Which, in some ways, gave me too much power. He wasn't thinking and making an authentic choice. He was going by an internal set of rules which wasn't allowing him to adapt to the circumstances at the moment. Similarly, you can get caught up in over-functioning and saying 'Yes' automatically. Your motivation might be that the boss or your friends will notice and think that you're special or that this is what God wants you to do. However, inside, you may be needing self-care and aren't listening to yourself or giving yourself permission to say 'no'. There is no right or wrong to this. We all make choices. Sometimes they work for us. Sometimes they don't. But let yourself slow down and think about it at least!
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