There are days and then there are days! If you're having one of those days that you have regressed and are feeling overwhelmed emotionally and unable to focus on the present then try grounding yourself into the present moment by naming some of the things you see and hear in your present environment or what you can feel in your body. If this is still not effective, then try the calming techniques that I have posted previously. However, sometimes triggers can really pack a wallop and you may find yourself unable to calm or stay focused in the moment. Then I would recommend that you journal using the following steps out of fragmentation adapted from Jack Lee Rosenberg PhD and Marjorie Rand PhD's Body, Self and Soul & Sustaining Integration exercise.
Early Childhood Messages:
I love you.
I want you.
I'll take care of you.
You can trust me.
I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you even when you die.
It is not what you do but who you are that I love.
You are special to me.
I love you and I give you permission to be different from me.
Sometimes I will tell you "no" and that's because I love you.
My love will make you well.
I see you and I hear you.
You can trust your inner voice
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
You don't have to be alone anymore.
I welcome and cherish your love.
Out in the world messages:
I can set limits and I am willing to enforce them.
If you fall down I will pick you up.
I am proud of you.
I have confidence in you. I am sure you will succeed.
I give you permission to be the same as I , to be more or less.
You are beautiful/handsome.
I give you permission to love and enjoy your erotic sexuality with a partner of your choice and not lose me.
The more you can treat yourself in the ways that you wish your parents had but couldn't for whatever reason, the more you can keep yourself grounded in the present, functioning in the ways that work for you. Once you are grounded and feeling more present then do a reality check about the situation that triggered you. How is it similar and how is it different than the situation from your past where you had no power? Recognize that you have choices and power now that you didn't when you were younger. Strategize about how you want to deal with the situation or person or find someone to help you strategize. Good luck!
- Journal all of your negative feelings and thoughts.
- Admit that you are fragmented. Either you are or you aren't. It's like you can't be a 'little bit pregnant'!
- Remember that you have been fragmented before and gotten yourself out of it.
- Make a note of the symptoms that tell you that you are fragmented so that you have clues to watch for in the future.
- Name objects and colours around you to bring you into present time. Look carefully at details and name them out loud.
- Identify what happened to fragment you.
- What is it about the current event that reminds you of your past or a time when you were hurt and unable to have power?
- Write down the messages that you needed that you didn't get from the following list.
- Put your hand on the part of your body that is holding the feelings and tension about this issue and give yourself the positive messages that you were/are needing to hear.
Early Childhood Messages:
I love you.
I want you.
I'll take care of you.
You can trust me.
I'll be there for you; I'll be there for you even when you die.
It is not what you do but who you are that I love.
You are special to me.
I love you and I give you permission to be different from me.
Sometimes I will tell you "no" and that's because I love you.
My love will make you well.
I see you and I hear you.
You can trust your inner voice
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
You don't have to be alone anymore.
I welcome and cherish your love.
Out in the world messages:
I can set limits and I am willing to enforce them.
If you fall down I will pick you up.
I am proud of you.
I have confidence in you. I am sure you will succeed.
I give you permission to be the same as I , to be more or less.
You are beautiful/handsome.
I give you permission to love and enjoy your erotic sexuality with a partner of your choice and not lose me.
The more you can treat yourself in the ways that you wish your parents had but couldn't for whatever reason, the more you can keep yourself grounded in the present, functioning in the ways that work for you. Once you are grounded and feeling more present then do a reality check about the situation that triggered you. How is it similar and how is it different than the situation from your past where you had no power? Recognize that you have choices and power now that you didn't when you were younger. Strategize about how you want to deal with the situation or person or find someone to help you strategize. Good luck!
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