This is a universal truth. We pick the partners we pick because they have the recipe to help us work out our kinks. The ways that we’ve learned to cope as a child will be what triggers them and the ways they’ve learned to cope will be what triggers us. When this dynamic intensifies and the power struggles start, relationships either breakup or have the opportunity to reach new levels of intimacy. It is at this point where consciously loving ourselves and our partners takes over from unconscious coping, lack of skills and low self-esteem. When you get to this stage of the dance the most important thing to remember is to focus on the part that you have control of. It is ALWAYS easier to see where they are stepping on your toes and how they could dance differently. However, it is managing your own self-esteem, focusing on your half of the dance and what you need to do differently that will get you through to a healthier, more loving and more enjoyable stage of your relationship. Only when both people commit to learning and growing when they are triggered will it become a dance they can maintain long term.
The title of this post is inspired by this song.