You Can't See the Frame When You're Part of the Picture

I believe that we are all just somewhere on the continuum of health and dysfunction.  Over the past 5 years I have read two books that illustrate that point very well.  I read The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls and Nelson Mandela's autobiography.  The Glass Castle is about a girl who grew up as a street person.  Her parents and her family were squatters in abandoned homes and railway buildings and her father was an alcoholic.  So clearly there were issues of dysfunction there.  Yet at one point in the book, the Dad takes his daughter, on her birthday, out into the night.  He asks her to look up into the sky and "pick a star.....any star".  He tells her, "That is my gift for you.  Whenever you look up at that star, I want you to think about how much I love you."  Now I think that's a really loving and healthy thing to do when you have no money....don't you?    

The other book I read was Nelson Mandela's autobiography.  Now, there is no question that he is a spiritual leader for our time.  To be able to fight for the rights of the black people, endure imprisonment, help to end apartheid, come out with compassion and love for his oppressors, and be able to rule the land and work alongside them is a spiritual feat that few of us would ever be able to traverse.  However, the thought I remember having is that I could see him and his family coming in for family therapy….. because he chose the cause.  There would have been other black men that he knew that would have refused to push back against apartheid the way he did, knowing that they would end up in jail and that they would not be there to participate in the raising of their children.  It is possible that Nelson Mandela's children have anger and abandonment issues as a result of his choices.  So I think we’re all just somewhere on the continuum of health and dysfunction, and none of us has it all figured out. I think we’re all healthy in some ways and not in others. What we need to remember is that for ALL of us, we can’t see the frame if we’re part of the picture. I believe we’re all doing the best we can with what we were given and the lessons are lifelong. We need to remember that our humanity matters more than our behaviour and we can always learn to do things differently. Here’s to building resilience, hope and joy….one day at a time!
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