There's lots more info on this.  Here's just a couple of videos if you want to learn more.  
​youtu.be/4AtOU0dDXv8
youtu.be/Ob48twC1yf8    

​No matter who we are or where we live, some things are just bigger than we are.  And it is useful to learn what the resilience skills help in the face of a disaster so that if you are ever in one, you can remember supports healthier coping.  

The story is about 9-11 and the amazing resilience of all of the people aboard the flights that had to be grounded and the people of Gander, Newfoundland that supported them.  It is a story of community and resilience in the face of overwhelming need.

On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic .
All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that "All Business" look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta's main office in Atlanta and simply read, "All airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination."
No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, New Foundland.
He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately -- no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request.
While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the hijackings.
We decided to LIE to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander , New Foundland, to have it checked out.
We promised to give more information after landing in Gander .. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that's nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM .... that's 11:00 AM EST.
There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the US.
After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason."
Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the US. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground control in Gander told us to stay put.
The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the air crafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane.
In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were US commercial jets.
Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC.
People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada . Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. were either blocked or jammed.
Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm.
We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.
We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning.
Passengers were not happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane.
Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing.
And they were true to their word.
Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.
About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross.
After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander!
We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the US airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while.
We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV, 24 hours after it all started.
Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the "plane people." We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.
Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days.
What we found out was incredible.....
Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers.
Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.
ALL the high school students were required to volunteer theirtime to take care of the "guests."
Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged.
Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes.
Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility.There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.
Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered "Excursion" trips.
Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests.
Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests.
Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft.
In other words, every single need was met for those stranded travelers.
Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S. airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or late. The local Red Cross had all the information about thewhereabouts of each and every passenger and knew
which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully.
It was absolutely incredible.
When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling.
Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses.
And then a very unusual thing happened.
One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that. But this time was different. I said "of course" and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days.
He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers.
He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewisporte.
"He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewisporte.
He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than $14,000!
"The gentleman, a MD from Virginia , promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.
As I write this account, the trust fund is at more than $1.5 million and has assisted 134 students in college education.
"I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a faraway place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on them.
It reminds me how much good there is in the world."
"In spite of all the rotten things we see going on in today's world this story confirms that there are still a lot of good people in the world and when things get bad, they will come forward.

Prime Minister Jean Chretien said "9/11 will live long in memory as a day of terror and grief. But thanks to the countless acts of kindness and compassion done for those stranded visitors here in Gander and right across Canada it will live forever in memory as a day of comfort and of healing" ​

​We all matter.  Full stop.  How we get socialized and the events that happen to us, impact on our ability to treat ourselves and everyone else like we all matter.  Hence, the 'Me Too' nature of our society. 

The blog post today is written by someone with a unique position on this subject.  Her love, courage and resilience are inspiring and need no debriefing or reinforcement.....it all shines through.   And our whole culture can learn from what she has to say.


#metoo
I am writing this blog for Lee as a member of the #metoo movement.  I am female but I am not writing this as a victim.  I am a mother of a victim.  And, I also happen to be the mother of the offender as well.
You see, many years ago, my 13 year old son, convinced my 11 year old daughter to touch him inappropriately.  My daughter confided in me shortly after and my world tipped on it’s axis just a few degrees.  As I type this, despite the number of years that separate us from “the incident”, I still feel the visceral feelings I felt when I was dealt the blow of this news.
My mistake from the beginning was that I stopped trusting myself.  I turned to others for advice and guidance and what I found initially was a community based on fear and judgment.  People around us, the so-called “experts” were quick to label him as “perpetrator” and her as “vicitim”.  We were handed pamphlets that described other “incidents” and were reminded frequently that our family’s future was in peril – my son and daughter would not ever have a healthy relationship and that how I lived my role as a mother with this situation would determine the fate of things.  At least that’s what I heard.  And, I am fairly certain I am not making this up.  We live in a society that wants to solve problems quickly and likes to look for right answers and wrong answers.  Victims and offenders.  My mind, from the beginning, felt that there were 2 “victims” here…both my children were on the cusp of young adulthood and this incident would be a defining moment in their views of their sexuality, shame around it, future relationships and their entire sense of self – BOTH of them.  But, I was not on solid ground and I let the “other” voices get in my head and push me off the path – for a while.
I recently read a beautiful quote from Bryan Stevenson: “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.”  If we each lived our lives knowing that we will make mistakes and trip up and allowed chances for others to make mistakes and trip up, then our society would be completely different.  I am not excusing my son’s actions, but I am asking him to own them and ask for forgiveness – every day. Even as recently as last week when he told me (now a 20 something) that he still carries that with him “in his heart”.  I wish I knew that then – but I didn’t truly know it until I had to live it.
Those who know us certainly know our family is not perfect.  We have ALL made mistakes and we all have things we struggle with.  Each of us have traumas – BIG traumas and smaller ones.  Incidents similar to this incident could have rocked some families and torn them apart.  Other families, I have since learned, have had very similar incidents which they did not regard in any way as a trauma – merely as a teaching or a reminder to put up boundaries.  Or, I’ve learned merely by coincidence, some of my friends had situations where it was swept under the rug – never to be discussed again.  Again, we all perceive the world differently and no one knows what life will throw us.  I guess the answer always lies in trying to understand the other person with love and compassion.  To listen. To have conversations where you care about the other as much (or more) than you care about your own perception.  It takes tons of time to do this – a lifetime – and we don’t always do it well.  Triggers come up and we need to re-visit and check in with one another from time to time.  Some of the members of our family can talk about the situation with ease and some are still processing.  Some have left it behind them and closed that door and some still need to heal.  But, together, we are figuring it out – with lots of support from those around us and an open mind and a common goal that we love our family – even the messy and broken bits of it….maybe even especially those bits.  It is my hope that the #metoomovement does not continue to point fingers of blame and shame but helps ALL involved to heal.  I recently read this: We all have burdens (traumas) that are like boulders. Problems arise when people act as if their boulders are daily loads, and refuse help….or as if their daily loads are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry.”  Fortunately, my adult children are now quite capable of carrying their own burdens and are able to ask for help when the burdens become too heavy to carry.
An equally important tidbit that I can share with you is how our family looks today.  We are a completely “normal” family.  Whatever that means.  We love being together – except when we don’t. We fight. We push each other. We disagree. Loudly. We are messy and we sometimes walk on eggshells around each other. But, we have a very deep compassion for one another and a common respect for each other to heal however they need to heal.  Very few people know about “the incident” – nor do they need to know.  Not because it is a secret but more because our current society is quick to shame, blame and judge – particularly this sort of incident.  I know I did, in the early days – I judged myself as parent and my son, in particular.  Also, it is not just my story to tell.  There are other stories here that need to also be considered.  And, out of respect for each of them, we do not speak about it outside our family very much.  When the day comes that they are ready to share, I will be ready to help them to do that with Grace and Dignity for all of us.  It may be scarey but it is my hope that it will also be liberating – and we all deserve the ability to be liberated, if we need to be.  And, it is equally liberating and scarey to know that we have no idea where we are heading – at all.  I do not have the ability to predict the direction in which we as a family will head – there are far too many variables.
What I have learned, through countless hours of therapy – with those close to me is that only I get to define what my path will be and it is just that, MY path.  I cannot control the paths of others.  I cannot take responsibility for their choices – but more importantly, I cannot judge their choices.  If we are going to heal as a family, then there is only room for LOVE…no fear.
My old approach was flawed.  But thanks to my dear friend and also to my fabulous therapist who both  provided an anchor and a safe harbor to sift out what really was my story.  In the early days I saw Lee weekly.  Then monthly. Then sometimes weekly again if something led me to vulnerability and shame.  Now, I go to her to gain perspective because I know she will be honest and frank with me. That she knows me and she knows what I am about. That she values my perspective.  As she said to me on my last visit: “Look. We are both learning alongside each other. The questions you bring to me and thoughts you have challenge me too. We are both figuring this out together. It’s not easy. I am here for you.”  Some people might not want to hear their therapist say that she doesn’t have the answers for you. But, I think the best expert in any situation will be the one that is honest and true to you.  No one knows what is right for another.  A therapist, or anyone, who is willing to sit with you and see you – all of you – while you work it out is the one I definitely want in my corner. It was a relief to hear her say those words, truly.  I had felt so inept for so long because I just couldn’t reason the situation out. Every visit I have with her to this day is filled with a nugget of wisdom that I tuck away with me and carry forward.
It has taken a lot of time to integrate this new perspective (or really, these new perspectives) into my whole being.  If someone at the time would have told me that I would take a decade to be able to even tell my story anonymously, I would have run into a corner crying or lay in a catatonic state for a considerable length of time.  Truth is, no one knows how long it will take to heal from these traumas.  But, the more you cling to the “old way” of seeing things – the story you are telling yourself – the longer it will take to begin to get on with the process of healing.  Actually, that’s not true.  The process of healing actually ALSO contains that “old story” and clinging to it – until you realize that it is not serving you. And that it is fear that is preventing you from letting go of that attachment that this must be the only way to look at the situation.  The time that you cocoon and protect yourself.  The caterpillar cannot emerge from the chrysalis until all the pieces are in place for it to be a butterfly.  It takes time, and space, and compassion, and work and finally, it takes an ability to want to let go of the old story that you are telling yourself.  To do this, it’s been my experience that you need to examine all the ugly bits and then release each one.  Layers.  Interestingly, my husband, jumped from “The incident” to “the Healing” much, much faster than me.  He did it in about 4 weeks.  And he seemed to let it all go with such ease.  We are all different and we heal at different rates.  So, no one can tell you what your rate will look like.  Thank GOD!
What I have learned from all of this are some major take-aways and things I wish I had been told (or had heard) right from the start. I wish that the pamphlets that I was handed that first day I went looking for help or those early discussions only contained this:

1. When you are faced with horrible, traumatic or shocking news you will feel like you are in a “fun house”.  You will lose sight of what is true and what is not true.  You will no longer trust yourself or your instincts to guide you. You will become lost, doubtful and afraid.
2. There will always be a way through to the other side.  My friend calls it a raging river. You will stand on the one side of it and know you have to go through it.  You will not see a clear path but you will long for the green hills on the other side.  You will fight going through it. You will try to take the easiest path. You will feel like you are alone and fighting the current (and you are). You will yell, scream, cry, lie down, bury yourself and do all other things to avoid it but eventually you will have to start taking that first step. Take as long as you need.
3. There will be others there to help.  Some will act as stepping stones, some will listen, some will point to the right path. Some will point to the wrong path.  Some will make you full of fear.  You will need to listen to how you FEEL to determine where that next step will need to be.  There is not a path forged for you, but there are others who have faced difficult things, look to those you admire and fashion yourself in the same way so that you can be Brave.  You will have to do difficult things. Despite how you feel, you are capable of doing them.  BE BRAVE. Do not let fear steer your vehicle.  There is no place for fear in the driver’s seat.  Fear can offer suggestions and help navigate but FEAR MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED TO DRIVE THE CAR.  And remember to be Brave, you do actually have to do tough things.
4. One act does not define a person. At the time Lee said that “Right now it is as though the whole story of their life is being defined by this one incident. When in fact, this one incident will eventually be just one chapter in the entire book of their whole life.  Look at what else they are and who else they are and DO NOT LET THIS INCIDENT DEFINE THEM.”
5. It will take time.  Lots of time. To heal. And, you need to be gentle with the healing process.  There isn’t one path out.  There are lots of variables and lots of other people in the equation.  You can not control their reactions or actions. You can only be responsible for you and HOPE that the others will take responsibility too. And it will get messy – it will never be perfect.  But patterns will arise and you will have ample opportunities to re-do anything that you need to “fix”.
6. Never give up HOPE. Hope and a vision for what you want is what will get you to where you want to go.  You cannot be attached to that vision.  The vision for what you want will not be black and white. You cannot demand that by this date everything will look like this. NO. That’s not helpful.  You just need to be clear on what it is that matters to you at the end of the day and stay the course.  It will come. But it NEVER COMES IN THE WAY YOU THINK IT WILL. Remember that. 
7. Along with FEAR – its good friends “SHAME” AND “GUILT” will come along.  Anger and Resentment often join in too. This is how you know you are not acting out of LOVE.  Find ways to get rid of the “inner critic” voices and reconnect with what matters.  Writing, meditation, therapy and exercise all helped me to heal.
8. You cannot see the picture if you are part of the frame – thanks Lee!  You have NO IDEA how this will turn out and so, do not judge anything. Just notice, be aware and stay tethered to love.  LOVE WILL GET YOU THROUGH – ANYTHING
9. There is nothing “good” or “bad”…only if you make it so…..so do not get ahead of yourself and make up a story….your story is only your view of “reality” and the “reality” is we do not know the entire story – ever. Period. Life is a work in progress – we are never truly finished anything.
10. You will come out of this an entirely different person.  You did not ask for this. But no one asks for hard things.  We all want our lives to be joyful - and they will be. Growth doesn’t happen when things are going well, growth happens in tough circumstances.  Grief and Loss are a big part of this and both of those things shape who you will become.  But know that you will want to be that new person.  Make it a point to like her and choose to only hold on to things that make her stronger and more loving.  There is too much fear, bitterness and anger in our world already.  And, at the end of the day, you will serve as a beacon for others.  You will want to be the beacon that draws them to you, not the one that steers them away. That is who I want to be and that is what we are working towards – every day – in our family.

Men and women are soicalized differently from the day they are born.  Terry Real, author and psychotherapist, states that by the age of 5 boys are taught culturally not to be in touch with their emotions which can lead to a lack of ability to empathize with others.

A study, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, contributes a global perspective to this issue. The key finding: Whether a child is in Baltimore, Beijing or New Delhi, the onset of adolescence triggers a common set of rigidly enforced gender expectations associated with increased lifelong risks of mental and physical health problems.The study calls it the hegemonic myth: the perception that men are the dominant sex, strong and independent, while women need to be protected.

This idea starts in early childhood, reinforced by schools, parents and media. Interviews with children and their guardians revealed that the onset of puberty triggers increased reinforcement of pressure to conform to hegemonic sex-typed identities and roles.

While boys, men described having the freedom to come and go as they pleased to pursue education and other opportunities, girls found their mobility and access to education restricted, the study notes. As they enter adolescence, silence and modesty are instilled as desirable values, as girls are pressed to behave in a "modest fashion."

Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at University of California and the author of The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence.

He states that " we need to take on the myths that sustain the abuses of power. Social scientists have documented how coercive power structures sustain themselves through social myths, which most typically justify the standing and unfettered action of those at the top. We’ve heard them before: “Women aren’t biologically equipped to lead.” “African Americans aren’t worthy of the vote.” “He may scream at people and cross some lines, but he’s a genius.” And a favorite in Hollywood: “Women are turned on by men with power like Weinstein.” Actual scientific studies find something quite different: When women (and men) are placed into positions of less power, their anxiety, self-consciousness, and worry rise dramatically, and their pleasure and delight, including sexual, are turned off".


Trevor Noah's summary of Larry Nassar's (Olympic coach who sexually abused 150 girls) sentencing was beautiful when he stated that " the enablers who were part of the systemic disease that allows people in positions of power to behave that way should be given 10% of the sentence in jail".  (I would post the link but it has been taken down in Canada for some reason.) 

We are all responsible for the fact that our society is still misogynistic. And we are all suffering for it. We all need to claim that we are powerful and vulnerable our whole lives.  All of us.  And we need to have taking responsibility for when we have crossed lines, any lines, sexual or not, be an honourable behaviour to do instead of modelling hiding and lying, labelling and putting down other people.  This will give both men and women something to model after and create more safety for all.

No one should have to say "Me Too" or to have to live with having caused that and it's repercussions.

To learn the concept of boundaries and consent, here is a very clever video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igqM6irCWvM