The Third Quarter of Isolation-You're having a Normal Response to an Abnormal Situation

4/15/2021

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We're in the 3rd Quarter. It's normal to feel testy and sluggish mentally. We will get through to a 'new normal' if we focus on what we have control of and have compassion and forgiveness.

The Third Quarter - You're Having a 'Normal Response to an Abnormal Situation'

Studies of people in isolation, astronauts on the ISS or researchers down in Antarctica, show that there are phases to the process of isolation.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/coronavirus-covid19-isolation-third-quarter-phenomenon-has-begun/12190270

The first phase is panic. So, during Covid, we might call that the 'toilet paper' phase. The second phase is the honeymoon phase. During this pandemic that was when people were having fun working in their pjs and baking cinnamon buns and bread. People were enjoying the novelty of this strange, new time and learning how to Zoom or play cards online. However, now we're in the third phase where people are feeling truly lonely, they are missing meaningful events like birthdays, proms and funerals. There are more conflicts about how to manage social isolation bubbles. The drudgery of it is making people sluggish mentally and testy emotionally. And for people who have had really difficult, abusive childhoods, it is triggering memories of horrific times when they felt trapped and they didn't think it would end.

Here is Chris Hadfield talking about how he suggests people handle isolation:

https://youtu.be/P35NIu7QmP4

It's a hard time and it's bringing up all kinds of difficult family and work dynamics. Remember, you are having a normal response to an abnormal situation. These are uncertain times. We need to radically accept the situation and radically accept ourselves. Don't watch Facebook or Tic Toc and think that the people in the photos and videos aren't having their own little eruptions on the home front. Everyone is. And everyone has just learned to talk about the 'good stuff'. We've been taught to 'brand' ourselves instead of being authentic. And I'm not going to clump us into categories of 'us' and 'them'. I'm functioning well and then tripping into stuff with my partner or my own overwhelm from time to time too. It's like we've all joined the 12 Step program. We need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, forgive ourselves for having tripped up and move forward with intention. Hence the saying "God (which could represent Good Orderly Direction) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."  Having awareness about what you can control and what you can't control is helpful for focusing yourself in ways that will help you to get through. If you find yourself agitating about how this is being handled by the politicians, for example, then decide if you want to write a letter or take action. If not, then give yourself a strategy about what you want your mind to be thinking about instead. Something that you DO have control of and that will make you feel better about your life.

Here's an exercise to do to help with this. Draw a medium sized circle on a blank piece of paper. Write all of the things that you don't have control of on the outside of the circle. Write all of the things that you do have control of on the inside of the circle. Write clear goals about what you will stop doing re: focusing on the things on the outside of the circle and what you will start doing to increase your attention about the things inside the circle. For example, I will stop reading the news constantly and I will start watching it only once a day and increasing my fitness and joy quotient by getting outside every day and calling my friends/family more often.

And some great news is that the parks and conservation areas are open to use at a social distance! This will really help people's mental and physical health.
https://news.ontario.ca/opo/en/2020/05/ontario-opening-provincial-parks-and-conservation-reserves.html

So, it's important for all of us to remember that mental health in all of it's forms and labels comes down to some basic principles. Mindfulness. Be embodied in the moment and take one day at a time. Get out of your head and stop overthinking issues that are outside of your control. Focus, instead, on what you do have control of.....in THIS moment. That's all that we can really control. Lead with forgiveness and compassion towards yourself and others. Everyone is doing their best and people will probably be a more extreme version of who they tend to be right now. The yellers will yell, the disorganized ones will be a little more disorganized, the criers will cry more, the avoiders will avoid.....etc. Give yourself and them some grace. If you've had a blow up with someone. Try noticing it without judgement. Try to forgive both yourself and the other person for not knowing how to do it better. Start again with a new strategy. For parents who are tearing their hair out re: homeschooling your kids, here is a good article that might give you some ideas you haven't thought of re: how to cope and help your kids cope. https://youtu.be/1f7OwFqTnco It's Day One as per the 12 Step programs every day right now. Practice gratitude. Exercise. Reach out to those you love. We will get through this. We are in the Third Quarter. It's like when people hit the wall in a marathon. Once we know dates that society will be opening up and when we will be moving back to the 'new normal', it will get easier. It's kinda like being able to see the finish line.

However, we need to mentally prepare and make peace with the fact that we will never be going back to 'how it was'. We will be shifting to a 'new normal'. This is concept where, if you have had a chronic illness in your family or a tragedy or trauma, there was a 'before' and, after the crisis, there is an 'after'. However it was, things are never going to be the same again. We will need to grieve how it was and then collectively decide, through healthy conversations with each other, how we would like it to be. As families. As a community. As a country. And as a world.   We have to decide how we want to prioritize, physical, mental, spiritual, economic and environmental health as a world wide interdependent web as we continue to fight against this common enemy. And, who knows, there might be some pleasant surprises in that.....

We'll see. In the meantime, let's focus on today and how we can keep our spirits up so we can get to the finish line when things start to open up again.

So, in that vein, and to finish off with a laugh and some validation about how you might be feeling, I leave you with this song about Covid. It's by a lovely young music teacher who wrote it for her students.

https://youtu.be/1f7OwFqTnco

We will get through this!

Lee

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The Third Quarter of Isolation-You're having a Normal Response to an Abnormal Situation

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