Me too....... The ramifications of my 'me too' experience have been huge and working through those ramifications has been a gift in humility and wisdom that has also molded me into the therapist that I am with the perspectives I have. Sort of a 'good news/bad news' situation. Why do I think it's important for me to say that? Because societal messages around therapy can give you the impression that there is something wrong with YOU and you need to get 'fixed' so that you are 'OK' if you are violated.
However, context matters. It is my responsibility as your therapist , and as a human being, to recognize that society is not that evolved yet at this point and to help people to focus on what they have control of and not negatively internalize the hurtful things that have been done to them.
We live in a 'rape culture' which "Wikipedia defines as a sociological concept used to describe a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.
To dismantle rape culture would require the undoing of more than just the normalization and tolerance of sexual assault and rape. It would require addressing gender stereotypes in a patriarchal (male-dominated) society and relieving both genders from their pressures.In a patriarchal society, men are expected to be dominant: strong, violent, sexual, and controlling. Women are expected to be submissive: weak, passive, decorative, and controllable. Men are socialized to believe they need to prove their masculinity by taking this control and dominating women. This is not only enforced by expectations of men to be dominant but also society's discouragement of men from showing any emotions, vulnerability, or sensitivity. Emma Watson, the UN Goodwill Ambassador for Women, said at the launch of 'HeforShe' that enabling women to take control and be strong will allow men to relieve themselves of that responsibility, imposed on them by the toxic masculinity in a rape culture."
This blog is too short a space to research or document evidence of 'rape culture' , however, if the leader of the free world is capable of stating that he had a conversation that included (**trigger warning**)
Trump: Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Bush: Whatever you want.
Trump: Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
And there's video proof and he admits it and calls it 'locker room talk'. That's the proof re: rape culture. He still got voted in even though he doesn't understand consent and abuse of power.
Do I want to vilify men? Absolutely not! I want to live in a culture that men and women are free to say "Hey....that's not ok" and not be scared of the ramifications because the person in power WANTS to be accountable for their actions! I want to live in a culture where men feel safe to admit that they get emotionally attached and that they have feelings about things and get hurt and that they aren't expected to just 'think and do'. A society where women feel proud to claim their power and their voice and are able to think and not to just feel and be pretty. To live in a culture where everyone can speak up and trust that they will be heard, and that others around them will care if what they have experienced is not safe. I want a culture where everyone knows that they matter. A culture where they can speak up when they are uncomfortable hearing about the hierarchy of who matters more than whom.
We all matter. Male or female. No matter what your race, creed, gender, intelligence or age. No one should have to say 'Me too'. That it still happens to anyone is way too much, and yes, more from male to female but I've seen that inability to recognize consent from others and the abuse of power from both sexes and within same gendered relationships.
We all need to have courage and work together to make this different.....mindfully.....one day at a time.
However, context matters. It is my responsibility as your therapist , and as a human being, to recognize that society is not that evolved yet at this point and to help people to focus on what they have control of and not negatively internalize the hurtful things that have been done to them.
We live in a 'rape culture' which "Wikipedia defines as a sociological concept used to describe a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.
To dismantle rape culture would require the undoing of more than just the normalization and tolerance of sexual assault and rape. It would require addressing gender stereotypes in a patriarchal (male-dominated) society and relieving both genders from their pressures.In a patriarchal society, men are expected to be dominant: strong, violent, sexual, and controlling. Women are expected to be submissive: weak, passive, decorative, and controllable. Men are socialized to believe they need to prove their masculinity by taking this control and dominating women. This is not only enforced by expectations of men to be dominant but also society's discouragement of men from showing any emotions, vulnerability, or sensitivity. Emma Watson, the UN Goodwill Ambassador for Women, said at the launch of 'HeforShe' that enabling women to take control and be strong will allow men to relieve themselves of that responsibility, imposed on them by the toxic masculinity in a rape culture."
This blog is too short a space to research or document evidence of 'rape culture' , however, if the leader of the free world is capable of stating that he had a conversation that included (**trigger warning**)
Trump: Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Bush: Whatever you want.
Trump: Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
And there's video proof and he admits it and calls it 'locker room talk'. That's the proof re: rape culture. He still got voted in even though he doesn't understand consent and abuse of power.
Do I want to vilify men? Absolutely not! I want to live in a culture that men and women are free to say "Hey....that's not ok" and not be scared of the ramifications because the person in power WANTS to be accountable for their actions! I want to live in a culture where men feel safe to admit that they get emotionally attached and that they have feelings about things and get hurt and that they aren't expected to just 'think and do'. A society where women feel proud to claim their power and their voice and are able to think and not to just feel and be pretty. To live in a culture where everyone can speak up and trust that they will be heard, and that others around them will care if what they have experienced is not safe. I want a culture where everyone knows that they matter. A culture where they can speak up when they are uncomfortable hearing about the hierarchy of who matters more than whom.
We all matter. Male or female. No matter what your race, creed, gender, intelligence or age. No one should have to say 'Me too'. That it still happens to anyone is way too much, and yes, more from male to female but I've seen that inability to recognize consent from others and the abuse of power from both sexes and within same gendered relationships.
We all need to have courage and work together to make this different.....mindfully.....one day at a time.
It all comes down to RESPECT; no matter the gender, race, ethnicity or ability.
Check out this song to lift your spirits today! www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT-HBl2TVtI
And a video of exhaustive number of ways that women work to avoid rape.....which we shouldn't have to. We should just be able to feel safe. www.facebook.com/attn/videos/1540425059326281/
Check out this song to lift your spirits today! www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT-HBl2TVtI
And a video of exhaustive number of ways that women work to avoid rape.....which we shouldn't have to. We should just be able to feel safe. www.facebook.com/attn/videos/1540425059326281/
RSS Feed
