So first let's start with the 'Window of Tolerance'. As you can see in the images below, there is a range where if you are having your feelings, you are still able to function..... and have your feelings too. You are able to 'think and feel' at the same time and are making conscious choices about your life and the parts of it that you have control of. In this mid-range you are still able to feel all of your feelings, however, you are able to think and manage your life too. You are able to juggle the various activities and people in your life without having so much going on that you become overwhelmed or chaotic. You sleep well, pay your bills, balance work and play/relax well. You take care of your body, mind and spirit and are able to stay connected to your friends and family too.
If you are slipping out of your 'Window of Tolerance' then you will have a tendency towards being 'hyper-aroused' or 'hypo-aroused'. You'll know. You'll have always been told that you need to either 'slow down' or 'hurry up'!!!! For those who have been told to 'slow down' the secret to staying in your window of tolerance is to learn to calm the central nervous system. Find activities that create calm and peace of mind. Practice thinking before responding with an 'automatic YES'! Set boundaries. Do reality checks and work on building your self esteem and being your own best cheerleader.
If you have a tendency towards being hypo-aroused and others have typically said 'hurry up' to you....you might want to practice giving yourself more structure because engagement with life helps to alleviate depression. Try remembering what you like about being engaged with others instead of using the 'automatic NO' as a means to avoid your own fear of failure. Remind yourself that rigid boundaries or walls just keeps others out.....it doesn't always provide protection.......and it keeps out the love and fun too! Practice thinking and doing reality checks. And work on building your self esteem and being your own best cheerleader. However, as always, I want to put all of this into context. (See below the Window of Tolerance issues.)